


Operation: Recon for Date

by xwannaflyx



Category: Naruto
Genre: Getting Together, Izuna refuses to allow people to date, M/M, Madara is bad at awareness, Overprotective Hashirama, Tobirama is bad at humaning, casually murderous Touka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28218780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xwannaflyx/pseuds/xwannaflyx
Summary: It isn't that Tobirama is bad at dating. It's that he prefers to get the entire lay of the land before he approaches anyone. If only everyone else would be reasonable and not weird about it.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 5
Kudos: 260
Collections: Naruto/Boruto Secret Santa 2020





	Operation: Recon for Date

**Author's Note:**

> for icy-dancer for the 2020 Naruto Secret Santa! I had a good time writing this so I hope you enjoy reading it!

“Izuna, what do Uchihas like?” Tobirama asked, not even bothering to look up from his scrolls. There was a moment of dead silence, only filled with his steady scratching pen. When the silence went on for too long, he looked to see Izuna squinting at him suspiciously. “What?” he demanded, dropping his gaze back down to scroll now that he had checked if Izuna was listening.

“Why?” Izuna demanded, scowling deeply. It was suspicious that Tobirama of all people would ask that sort of question. Besides, everyone knew that Tobirama didn’t like Uchihas so for all he knew he would be supplying the enemy with information to use against them. 

“What do you mean, why?” Tobirama asked, antagonistic. “I want to know what Uchihas like because I want to ask someone out.”

Izuna choked and his pen fell from nerveless fingers. What in the everloving hell did knowing what Uchihas like have to do with Tobirama fucking Senju dating? Who in the world was willing to date a vicious murderous bastard like Tobirama fucking Senju?

“You do realize that you said that all out loud, correct?” Tobirama asked, an unimpressed scowl fixed on his face. Izuna, in lieu of an actual defense, merely gestured to all of Tobirama whose scowl deepened. “What’s wrong with me dating?” he demanded, placing down his pen with an ominous click. 

“You’re married to bureaucracy!” Izuna yelped, gesturing at the piles of scrolls surrounding them. “You’re married to, like, fighting people and terrorizing children. You can’t be dating people!”

“You’re really asking to get turned into a smear in the ground aren’t you?” Tobirama asked, viciously pleasant. 

Izuna held his hands up defensively at the spikes of Tobirama’s chakra. “You can’t kill me. Touka would get mad at you for killing her boyfriend for the second time. And then she’ll get mad at me for being dumb enough to get killed,” he added with a little pout. 

“Absolutely none of that was a deterrent,” Tobirama pointed out, one of his hands curling into a fist. 

“I can’t tell you anything about what Uchihas like if I’m dead,” Izuna added hastily. Tobirama usually folded when it came to pursuit of knowledge. That was probably an actually viable defense compared to Touka attempting to kill someone. Half the time that was how she showed affection. 

Tobirama paused; that was true. “Are you going to answer my question then?” Tobirama demanded, half rising from his seat. Izuna, after scanning Tobirama’s expression for a long silent moment, threw his pile of scrolls at Tobirama’s face then sprinted out of the room. 

“Madara!” he screeched after he had completed two laps around the village and three feints in case he was followed then broken into his brother’s office. “Madara, it’s code red!”

“Izuna,” Madara snarled, hands flecked with ink and hair pulled roughly into a ponytail out of his face. “What the hell do you want.” The words, despite being a question, were stated as a threat.

“Tobirama is being suspicious!” Izuna hissed, crouching in the seat across from his brother’s table. “He’s all ‘oh Izuna what do Uchihas like’ and he’s saying it so he can find out our weaknesses and wipe out everything we like!”

Madara, wishing fervently that he had been an only child, stared unmoving at his idiot little brother. “Izuna,” he said, mustering as much patience as he could from all his years as an older brother. 

“He’s coming after the clan!”

“Izuna.”

“He’s—”

“Izuna, I will kill you myself if you don’t start making sense,” Madara snarled, rising from his seat as the pen in his grip snapped in half. Izuna froze at the wave of heat emanating from his brother and offered a weak smile. “Start again. From the beginning.”

Clearing his throat, Izuna straightened in his seat. “We were working on the scrolls concerning—”

“Not that far back,” Madara interrupted, rubbing his temples with firm fingers. 

Reassessing, Izuna started again, “Tobirama asked me in the middle of work what Uchihas like.” He gestured grandly to Madara with wide eyes, trying to get his brother and clan head to understand what was going on here. 

“And what did you say in response?” Madara asked, already resigned to having to pen an apology note to Tobirama for not raising his brother properly. Part of him wanted to get Izuna and Touka to marry quickly so he could get rid of him. The other part of him pointed out that the only options available were to either marry Izuna out and get nagged about getting settled down himself, or marry Touka  _ in  _ and suffer. 

“I asked what he wanted to know because he’s clearly being suspicious! Brother, he’s just been trying to lure us into a false sense of security and then he’s going to kill everything we love! That’s been his plan all along!”

“Izuna,” Madara said as patiently as he could. “At this point if he killed everything the Uchihas loved, a lot of that would include children that he himself has taught, parts of the village he helped build, and also his own cousin.” Madara fixed Izuna with a glare as he fished out a pen from his drawer of extras, “so go away and let me work.” When Izuna opened his mouth to protest, outrage written across his features, Madara gritted his teeth. “Now, Izuna. This paperwork for the new education system is due tomorrow and I’m meeting Tobirama about it tomorrow evening. Shoo.”

Quailing at his brother’s annoyance, Izuna settled down with a sulk. He was absolutely positive that Tobirama was up to something nefarious and if no one else would understand then he would have to spy on Tobirama and resolve it himself. 

Tobirama, not too far away in his office, felt a shudder run down his spine and frowned down at his own education proposal. Hopefully that wasn’t a hallmark of something unfortunate to come. 

-x-

“Hashirama, what do Uchihas like?” Tobirama suddenly asked over the dinner table. 

Both Hashirama and Touka froze. Mito, completely unfazed, continued to eat. Hashirama stared blankly at his little brother, the clump of rice on his chopstick slowly falling off and his mouth still open with shock. “What?” he squeaked, still frozen in his previous position.

Tobirama, heavily judging his brother for his hearing and attention span, sighed deeply. “What do Uchihas like?” he repeated, with a roll of his eyes. “You can answer too, Touka,” he added, glancing at his older cousin.

“Why?” she asked dangerously, her eyes narrowed on Tobirama and her chakra flexing strangely under her skin. 

Tobirama looked at his cousin and brother strangely. He didn’t understand why everyone was being so unreasonable today. He was just trying to do some reconnaissance as was perfectly logical before pursuing a relationship and everyone was acting like he was being the insane person here. “I’m trying to gather information,” he said with a sigh. He flinched when Hashirama suddenly looked teary eyed and like he was about to tackle him into a hug. “What?”

“Why are you trying to gather that kind of information?” Touka asked, still squinting at Tobirama suspiciously. Her chakra had settled slightly but her hand was still curled disconcertingly around the handle of a knife. 

Tobirama wondered why everyone was being like this to him today. “I’m trying to gather information to ask someone out,” he admitted with a long sigh. He didn’t realize that such an innocuous question was going to drive everyone to hysterics. Why was everyone being so strange?

Hashirama let out a loud wail of denial as Mito, in an uncharacteristic rush, stood and walked out to the room. Tobirama watched his sister-in-law leave with a frown on his face before turning to Touka who had gone from being disconcertingly still to looking actively murderous. “Tobirama NO!” Hashirama wailed, trying to grab Tobirama who, from long practice, was dodging the attempts. “You’re not allowed to date!”

“Who are you trying to ask out?” Touka asked suspiciously. She wasn’t going to kill her brother in all but name for going after her boyfriend but she might maim him slightly. That was acceptable right? Especially when he was asking for her own advice on the matter. 

Tobirama flushed red which showed up all too well on his pale skin. “No one,” he grumbled, dropping his gaze to the table and finally being tackled into a hug by Hashirama who sobbed about how his brother wasn’t allowed to be tainted by the world.

“Is it Izuna?” Touka asked, hand still curled around the knife. She wasn’t going to kill him, just cut him a little bit. He could heal himself anyway. 

Tobirama’s expression curled up in disgust, “what, no!” he yelped, struggling against Hashirama’s increasingly frantic wailing and hugs. “Why on earth would I date someone like Izuna?” he demanded, scowling at his cousin. 

Touka frowned, a little offended. There wasn’t anything precisely wrong with Izuna. Other than the fact that he was an Uchiha and was Izuna, he was rather pleasant. “Then who?” she demanded, allowing the knife to fall back onto the table. 

Tobirama’s flush which had faded slightly, returned with a vengeance. “No one!” Tobirama grumbled, crossing his arms and settling into his chair. 

Touka squinted at him suspiciously as he didn’t even bother struggling to get Hashirama off him. That was weird. She wondered why he was being so recalcitrant about this; it wasn’t like Tobirama really understood normal concepts of shame. “Why are you being weird about this?” she asked, crossing her arms. 

“Why are  _ you  _ being weird about this?” Tobirama retorted, strangely childish. Touka’s frown deepened. She didn’t trust any of this. 

-x-

“I would like to formally apologize for my brother’s behavior,” Madara said with a sigh once they had finished the discussion about the education system. “I swear he was raised right but for some reason he seems eager to prove me wrong,” he added, roughly dragging his hand down his face. 

Tobirama smirked, looking rather like he was trying to suppress his laughter. Madara wondered when it was that he had started being able to notice and read Tobirama’s expressions like this. “I’m well aware that Izuna is an embarrassment and not a testament to everyone in the Uchiha clan,” he said easily, pushing back the teetering pile of scrolls then shoving his hair out of his face. “I’ll accept your apology.”

“I really thought that dating Touka would have beaten some more sense into him,” Madara added, now settling down for a good complaining sulk. Tobirama raised one pale hand to hide his smile but Madara saw the way the corners of his eyes crinkled. “He can’t go around believing the Uchiha v Senju debate when he’s dating a Senju, can he?”

“I’m quite certain that Izuna does whatever he wants and logic has nothing to do with it,” Tobirama said with an easy laugh. 

“Hey!” yelled a muffled voice from the ceiling. Tobirama glanced up at the ceiling with a wry smile. Madara, eternally embarrassed by his sibling and wishing fervently, once again, that he was an only child, buried his face in his hands. “I’m logical!”

“You’re hiding in the ceiling of my office to eavesdrop on all my conversations and not making any effort to hide your chakra,” Tobirama said with a sigh. “I don’t understand where you see the logic in this.”

“I really am sorry about him,” Madara repeated, voice muffled by his hands. “I really don’t know where I went wrong.” He glanced up when Tobirama only laughed before quickly pursing his lips to hide his amusement. “How often has he been doing this?” he added, wondering if this was going to be an actual inter-clan matter. 

Tobirama shook his head, obviously reading the concerns on Madara’s face. “I wouldn’t even bother filing the paperwork for this when I can just half drown him and leave him for Touka to yell at,” he said with a rueful smile. “But he’s been following me since the last conversation we had so make of that what you will.”

Madara let out a groan that felt like it was being pulled from the depths of his soul. “Why?” he whispered, uncertain if he was asking his brother, Tobirama, or the gods. 

“Apparently it’s suspicious that I asked what Uchihas like,” Tobirama said with a roll of his eyes. Madara watched as Tobirama’s expressions flipped from cautious to calculating and back. “Are you willing to answer?” he asked, staring at Madara with a strange look in his eyes. 

“That’s an entire clan,” Madara pointed out with a shrug. “Can you narrow it down? You must admit that you don’t like the same things as Hashirama and vice versa.” Madara blinked when Tobirama nibbled his lip, an adorably uncertain look on his face. “Is this for Kagami?” he added, wondering if Tobirama had been having trouble with his students.

“You’re trying to date Kagami?” Izuna screeched from the ceiling. Tobirama scowled up at the ceiling and flinched when they shook dangerously. Thankfully he didn’t fall through. “You can’t date Kagami!”

“Kagami is a child, you idiot,” Tobirama said with a sigh. “Of course I’m not trying to date Kagami.”

Madara blinked from the shaking ceiling to Tobirama. “What?” he asked, completely lost. What did dating have to do with this? Tobirama dated? Without the other person being killed by Hashirama? He frowned at the realization. If Hashirama actually killed someone because they were dating Tobirama, he was almost positive that was going to result in some nonsense paperwork for him to deal with or some inane meeting with the damned clan elders. Hashirama wasn’t allowed to do that to him. It was in their friendship agreement. 

Tobirama grimaced and sent an absolutely blistering glare to the ceiling. “Well this really wasn’t how I would prefer to approach this,” he said with a contemplative frown. Madara cocked his head to side as Tobirama flushed a tiny bit red. “I usually prefer to have all the facts before acting,” he mumbled, scowling to the side.

“Before dating?” he asked, a little amused that Tobirama would treat dating like a mission. It was very Tobirama of him, exactly what he would have expected if he had thought about it further. 

The glare that Tobirama gave him was cutting. “There’s no logic in acting on faulty or subpar intelligence,” he said heatedly, the tone of the words one that he had definitely had this argument before. Madara held back his smile, knowing that would only make Tobirama more annoyed. “But if there isn’t enough intelligence to act, then there—”

“ARE YOU TRYING TO DATE MY BROTHER!” Izuna suddenly shrieked from the depths of the ceiling. Tobirama, with a very long suffering look, sighed and crossed his arms. 

“What?” Madara croaked as the ceiling shook with a little too much energy then finally broke, sprawling Izuna on the ground.

“You can’t date Madara!” Izuna shrieked, almost dancing with rage. “You’re fucking Tobirama fucking Senju!” He gestured expansively at Tobirama like stating a name with cursing added and gesturing would explain enough of his logic. “NO!”

“What?” Madara repeated, still trying to process what had happened in the last thirty seconds. Tobirama said something about whatever Uchihas liked. Something about Tobirama dating which he didn’t realize that marriage had chilled Hashirama out enough for that but alright. Something about Kagami? Then something about Tobirama— “You were trying to gather intelligence to ask me out?” he blurted, staring at Tobirama. 

He watched in slightly numb shock as Tobirama’s pale face suffused with heat. “Trying being the operative word of that sentence,” Tobirama mumbled, burying his face in his hands. 

“My brother wouldn’t date you anyway!” Izuna shrieked. “No dating! No!”

There were too many emotions and words crowding his throat but Madara barely managed to refocus enough to convey what was most important. “There’s a new sushi restaurant that people have been raving about,” he said, ignoring the way Izuna was tugging on his arm and keeping his gaze fixed on Tobirama. “Judging from the lack of meetings for both of us, we should have time three days from now if you’d like to get dinner together.”

Embarrassment had been a surprisingly good look on Tobirama. Surprised pleasure was somehow an even better one. “Okay,” he whispered, his eyes wide. 

“No!” Izuna yelled, tugging harder on Madara’s arm. 

“Three days from now, dinner at the new sushi restaurant,” he confirmed, knowing that his smile was far too toothy and probably a little too gleeful. “I’ll see you there.”

“Okay,” Tobirama repeated, a soft pleased smile tilting up the corners of his mouth. Madara nodded firmly before grabbing his still protesting little brother by the scruff of his neck to drag him out of the office for Tobirama to continue working. So they had managed to get the details of the education system hammered out, they would be addressing the gaps in the taxation system next week and he had a date in three days with Tobirama fucking Senju. Life was looking pretty good. As long as Hashirama didn’t find out about the date until after it had happened at least. 


End file.
